Once you’ve decided to get divorced, it’s important to let people know what’s happening with you, how you feel about it and your intention, and then let them know what they can do to help. 

People like to help and they want to feel needed.  They want to make a difference, and when they really care about you, then they want you to feel better.  But their ideas of what might help you could be very different from what you actually need right now.  So you simply need to tell them what to do. 

The other key component here is to set some boundaries.  This will benefit you tremendously.  The last thing you want right now is to feel overwhelmed by other people telling you what you should and shouldn’t do, all about their other friend’s nightmare divorce, or how awful your spouse is and how you could make their life hell. 

What you need are people who truly understand where you’re coming from and the outcome you’re seeking for your family – people who honor and respect your wishes and your commitment to keeping this experience harmonious and positive.

You want friends or family members you know you can call on when you just need to vent for a few minutes or you need a good cry, or you just need a companion to go on a walk or work out with. 

You want someone you trust who can watch your kids for a couple hours while you get some time to yourself or take care of some divorce-related tasks.  You want someone who can provide reassurance and encouragement when you’re feeling uncertain or scared.  You want someone who can share your vision for the next stage of your life that you’re in the process of creating – who can remind you why you’re taking this higher path. 

Bottom line: You want to be surrounded by people who care about you and the well-being of your entire family, and can help you grow and learn throughout this process.