Parents Collaborating = Children Thriving
Miscellaneous
Save money on your kids’ clothes, toys, etc
014 years
by marlene
in Miscellaneous
I just volunteered for a few hours at a children’s consignment sale in my local area. They have it twice a year – once at the beginning of spring and once at the beginning of fall. You can find them in most towns and I think they’re great.
I went to my first one when my daughter was a baby and I wished I had known about them before she was born. There is so much great stuff available – pack-n-plays, strollers, boppies, books, toys, diaper genies, bedding sets, bikes, and clothes galore. The list goes on and on.
The beauty of these sales is that everyone wins. The items get re-used, which is great for the environment, the people selling their items make some money, the people shopping there get incredible bargains and save tons of money, the community comes together, you get all of your children’s old stuff out of your house, and much of what doesn’t get sold is donated to charities. How great is that?
If you’re going through a divorce and money is tighter than it used to be, this is a great way to cover most of your child’s wardrobe without spending much. Most clothing items cost less than $4 and don’t forget that you can re-sell your stuff after your kids outgrow it (if it’s still in good condition). It’s also a great way to get extra clothes and toys for two households. And if money isn’t tight for you, it’s still a wonderful way to re-use and help others make and save money.
Just google “kids consignment sale” followed by the name of your city and see what comes up. Most places have them in March and September. Happy consigning!
Is Bad-Mouthing Your Ex Helpful or Harmful?
014 years
Bad-mouthing your ex can feel really good when you’re pissed off or hurting. But be careful when and how you do it. You could be hurting yourself and those around you. It’s a big no-no in front of your kids. Don’t do it!! I don’t care what your ex has done, DO NOT talk badly about him/her in front of your children. This is very harmful to your kids and can undermine their trust in you.
Have some structures in place to help you when you are upset and need to get some things off your chest. For example, you may have a close friend or family member that you can vent to. But don’t let that be all you ever talk about with them. Eventually they will get tired of your “complaining” and may start avoiding you. Ask if it’s okay to vent a little bit. Then spend just a few minutes (don’t go on and on and on) to get out what you need to get out. And then….LET IT GO. That’s the point of venting – to get it out of you. You don’t want to keep revisiting it and reliving it.
Another option is to write in a journal all the things that you’re feeling or thinking. When you’re writing, and nobody else is going to see it, you can write all those horrible, mean things you might be thinking, but wouldn’t want other people to know you’re thinking. You can even write them on a piece of paper and then tear it up and throw it away (or burn it) if you want to make sure there’s no way anyone will ever see it. If you write in a journal, be sure to keep it somewhere safe where it won’t be discovered.
If you’re not really into writing, you can also just say what’s on your mind out loud when no one else is around. You can do it in your car or at home. Yell and scream if you need to – whatever helps you to get it out so it doesn’t stay inside you.
You can also share your feelings with a therapist, counselor, or coach – someone who’s not involved in the situation and can allow you to share your thoughts, then help you to move forward with strategies to deal with them.
I strongly recommend against bad-mouthing your ex to lots of your friends, even if what you’re saying is true or, in your mind, justified. This type of thing has a way of finding its way back to the other person and that can really escalate the negativity between you. It can also start a nasty battle you probably don’t want to be involved with. And your friends may begin to view you differently – you may start coming across as bitter and vengeful, not fun to hang out with.
If people ask you how things are going with your ex or what he/she has been doing lately, you still don’t have to share all the ugly details or how upset you are. Practice telling people that there are still challenges, but that you’re working through them. It’s a first step in shifting your mindset from what’s happening to you, to what you’re doing to deal with the situation and move forward.
I’m Done With Resolutions – What About You?
314 years
by marlene
in Miscellaneous
Take a careful look at 2009, then let it go...
For most people, resolutions don’t last very long.
Why is that? I think it’s because they’re usually based on something negative. Either we’re trying to quit doing something that’s hard to quit (smoking, eating unhealthy foods, drinking, etc), or we’re trying to start doing something because we’re unhappy with our current weight, lifestyle, relationship, job, etc. We tend to think that if we’re unhappy with something, especially ourselves, that we can just decide to do things differently (“better”) and then life will be great, right? Wrong. The focus is too much on what’s not working and how much better things will be once we achieve some goal that requires drastic change. And with resolutions, we typically word them in the future tense, right? Like, I’m going to go to the gym at least three days a week, or I’m going to stop eating junk food, or I’m going to work fewer hours so I can spend more time with my kids, and so on. It’s like we’re playing mind games with ourselves. “I’m going to…” sends the message that at some point it is going to happen, so it kind of lets us off the hook for NOW.
So my only resolution is not to do any resolutions. I want a more holistic approach because I want all aspects of my life to be aligned and I want to know what my ultimate overall life goal is, instead of focusing on one particular smaller goal. So I’m going to tell you what I do and I invite you to try it out. Grab a pen and some paper. First of all, take a look back at 2009. If you’re recently separated or divorced, 2009 might look pretty crappy. That’s okay. There may have been a lot of challenges and heartache, so please don’t judge yourself. Look at the past year from a detached perspective, with curiosity and compassion. Make sure to recognize and give yourself credit for any accomplishments. Lastly, make a list of things you are grateful for in 2009. If this is difficult for you, think simple. Even pain can be something we give thanks for, since it usually makes us aware of problems in our lives or shows us what we truly want. When you’re done with 2009, close your eyes, take some deep cleansing breaths, and let it go. It’s over. It’s all in the past. Just relax and let it go. Imagine it all just washing away and leaving behind a clean slate where new stories and memories can be created.
Now fast forward. Pretend it’s December 31, 2010. Write down the main areas of life that you care about. For example, Family, Career, Relationships, Health, Spirituality, Finances, etc. Look back over the year (2010) and write down what you see in each of the areas you’ve chosen. This is not just what you expect in 2010, but what you desire in 2010, what feels good to you. You can get as detailed as you want here. And this is very important – write it in the present tense, as if it has already happened. Remember, it’s Dec 31, 2010 and you’re looking at your where you are “now”. Also, make sure to include what you are thankful for in 2010. When you’re done writing, read it out loud and see how it feels. If it doesn’t make you smile and doesn’t get you a little excited, you might need to do a little rework. When you’re satisfied, store this in a safe place where you can refer to it regularly or post it where you’ll see it often. And when Decemeber 31st rolls around again, you can compare what you wrote to your reality – it will be fascinating.
So here’s to a wonderful new year, designed specifically by you, for you. Doesn’t that feel better than a resolution? And the results will be far better too!!
