Parents Collaborating = Children Thriving
dealing with divorce
Divorce: Be Grateful
012 years
Expressing gratitude can be a life-changer and it’s so easy. You can simply say out loud what you’re grateful for or you can keep a gratitude journal in which you write them down.
Naming what you’re grateful for can be a wonderful bedtime practice with your children. Each night, before bed, just take turns sharing something you are thankful for. Anything goes. There are no rules.
Just name anything you are grateful for in your life. It can be butterflies, refrigerators, your cat, hugs, ice cream, sunshine, your car, your health, music, friends, whatever.
By starting this now with your kids, you’re creating a lifelong habit for them. And remembering to appreciate all the beauty and love and conveniences you have in your life reminds you what really matters to you and how amazing your life is. There is always something to be thankful for.
I encourage you to write down (or name) ten things every day that you’re grateful for. Ten things. If ten is a challenge, start with five and work your way up to ten. They don’t all have to be different every time.
The point is just to acknowledge what you appreciate and to recognize how much there is to be thankful for, no matter how tough things may seem right now.
To really take this deeper, come up with one thing each day that you are grateful for as a result of your marriage ending. Don’t use this as a way to bash your former spouse. Truly look at what the positives are that have or will come from this experience.
Perhaps you have found strength you didn’t realize you possessed. Maybe the time you spend with your children is now more about quality and closeness. Have you learned how to handle the finances on your own? Have you learned to cook or made new friends?
Maybe you are growing as a person and will be a better parent going forward. This will help you gain some perspective on the situation and realize that some good has come from it.
Make gratitude an everyday practice. Thank you 
Divorce: Letting Go
013 years
I just turned 40 last week and I spent some time reflecting on my life so far – all the things I’ve done, some things I’ve not done. What I’m proud of, what I’m not so proud of. What matters most to me, what I want for this next year of my life.
I also thought about how perfectly everything happens in our lives, even though we can rarely see it at the time. From love to heartbreak, joy to sadness, every experience teaches us what we need to learn at that time.
I’m currently going through a process of letting go. Letting go of all that is not serving my highest good. There’s actually a lot that fits in that category and it’s a little scary. For example, I’ve got some fears that I’m ready to let go of so I will no longer be held back by them. I’ve got some physical clutter that I want to let go of because I hate seeing it around my house and it adds stress to my life. I want to feel at peace in my home.
I’ve got some old beliefs created in my childhood that no longer make sense in my life, but keep me feeling stuck or reacting in ways I don’t want to. I’ve got some emotional baggage from past relationships (with friends, romantic partners, family members) that I’m ready to release so it no longer has a hold on me.
Letting go can be difficult. But the rewards are great.
When we let go of anything that’s weighing us down, hurting us, or simply not serving us, we create space for something else to come into our lives. A new relationship, a new belief, a new confidence, a new perspective, a new joy, a new mindset.
When going through divorce, there is a lot to let go of and you certainly don’t have to do it all at once. But letting go is the key to moving forward, to finding peace, to enjoying life.
Let go of negative emotions (anger, resentment, guilt, shame, etc). Let go of the expectations and hopes you had for your marriage. Let go of the desire to change the past. Let go of the need to control. Let go of blame. Let go of self-criticism. Let go of competing. Let go of old clothes, old jewelry, old objects that are no longer useful or meaningful to you.
And as you let go, you will open to receive. It is almost magical how it happens.
You will create space and it will be filled. And you will be pleasantly surprised. You will discover that you can feel joy again, that wonderful things do happen to you and that letting go doesn’t mean losing anything.
For assistance in letting go of old beliefs that are keeping you stuck, I offer breakthrough sessions that enable you to quickly discover what’s holding you back and release it so you can move forward in your life. Ask me for details!
Be the Karate Kid in Your Divorce
314 years
What do divorce and the Kung Fu have in common? Well, I watched the movie Karate Kid (the new version) with my daughter the other day and there are some good lessons in there. Dre, the Karate Kid, tells his mom that he’s going to be learning Kung Fu and she says something like “what have I told you about fighting?”. He replies “it’s not about fighting, it’s about making peace with your enemies”. I like that line a lot. That’s exactly how divorcing parents should look at dealing with each other.
“Kung Fu” means expertise in a skill achieved through hard work and practice. It has also been translated as “patient accomplishment”, because the idea is that it takes time and energy to master a skill. So let your goal be to have good kung fu in your divorce and co-parenting. It won’t happen overnight and it won’t happen just because you’d like it to. You will be required to put in the time and the energy, the sweat and tears, to make it happen. But you can make it happen. And you can “bring honor to your family”.
How does the Karate Kid start his training? Not by serious workouts or even learning specific martial arts moves. He starts by doing what seems to be a very mundane task…over and over and over again. He gets frustrated because it seems like he’s not learning anything. He wants to see results right away and he can’t see how what he is doing can possibly help him when he goes up against his “enemy” in a competition. But the teacher tells him to trust him and keep doing the same thing over and over.
Finally, the teacher engages him in a mock fight and shows him that the movements he was doing that seemed so pointless are actually movements that his body can now do effortlessly in a combat situation. He was learning all along, though he didn’t realize it.
This is precisely how you can create a harmonious situation with your former spouse and your kids. You simply engage in the every-day, common activities and behaviors that you do anyway with your friends. But you do them in relation to your ex.
You treat them respect.
You communicate regularly and effectively.
You use constructive criticism if needed, but refrain from bad-mouthing or dismissing.
You don’t judge or blame.
You discuss issues with a desire to find a common resolution.
You are honest.
You take care of yourself and ask for help when you need it.
You pay attention to and consider your children’s needs.
You notice and appreciate the little things.
You honor your differences and you keep an open mind.
You learn from your experiences.
You hold yourself accountable for your actions.
You celebrate successes.
You won’t see a change overnight and you may wonder if there’s a point to what you’re doing. I assure you, there is. Once these behaviors become natural and effortless, you will discover that you are able to effectively handle almost any situation that arises. You will find that your relationship has improved and you have, in fact, made peace with your “enemy”.
So you now have permission to use Kung Fu with your ex spouse. Get started today practicing patient accomplishment….wax on, wax off, wax on, wax off….
Divorce: Don’t Act Out of Fear
014 years
Dealing with your ex as you go through the divorce process and try to figure out how to co-parent now that you’re no longer together, can be frustrating to say the least. You may be asking yourself the following questions: Why can’t (s)he be on time? Why won’t (s)he spend more time with the kids? What is (s)he saying to our children about me? Is (s)he dating anyone? What if (s)he moves in with or marries that person (s)he’s been dating? How do I talk to him/her about financial issues? Should I tell him/her about the event coming up at school?
It has probably crossed your mind that it sure would be easier if (s)he would just disappear and stop interfering with your life, right? Or why can’t (s)he be more like so-and-so’s spouse? Well, the truth is, you can’t change your ex. You can’t control your ex. You can’t really avoid your ex. And you can’t make your ex disappear. Especially if you want what’s best for your children.
Your kids want both of you in their lives and they really want you to get along. They may want you back together, and since that’s not going to happen, the next best thing is to have a good, friendly relationship. No, I’m not kidding, and no, I’m not crazy.
I’ve been there, done that. I have a great relationship with my ex and his wife and their two kids. I don’t tell you that to brag or to make you feel bad, but rather to let you know that it’s possible and you can do it too. It didn’t happen because I’m lucky either. It happened because I chose that path. I made a commitment and I’ve done everything possible to stick to that commitment.
For example, I told my ex up front, when we made the decision to get divorced, that I would not repeat what my parents did. I knew he was concerned about our daughter and I let him know that was my primary concern too. I told him the things my parents did that were the most harmful to my brother and me, and I explained that I wanted us to respect one another and make decisions together about our child. I told him I knew how much he loved her and how much she loved him, and how important that relationship was to me. I made it clear that I would never try to keep her from him or use her as a pawn, because I understood that she needed both of us in her life.
When we separated, I gave my daughter a photo of her with her dad to put by her bed. It’s still there after six years. She wanted to put a photo of the three of us on the fridge (from her first day of school) and I said “sure”. These are simple things that really matter.
Don’t underestimate the importance of the other parent to your child, regardless of what (s)he’s done or not done, and regardless of your feelings toward him/her.
I welcomed my ex husband’s girlfriend when they started getting serious. I asked her to come in when they came over together for the first time to pick up my daughter. I wanted her to feel included and as comfortable as possible because I wanted her to be good to my daughter. I never wanted my daughter to be on the receiving end of someone’s dislike for me. And so I gave her no reasons to dislike me.
I realize how impossible this may sound to you right now, but I can’t stress enough what a difference it will make in your life, particularly long-term. It goes back to the golden rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. Imagine if you started dating someone who’s divorced and has kids. How awkward would you feel being the outsider, the new person, spending time with someone else’s kids? How would you feel if the ex-wife or ex-husband was rude to you or said negative things about you to their kids?
Wouldn’t you want a chance to show that you had no ill will toward them? Wouldn’t you want a chance to show that you could be a positive influence in their children’s lives? The fact of the matter is that both of you (the former spouse and the new partner) feel uncomfortable and aren’t sure what to do or say. Make the first move and ease the tension.
Don’t pre-judge and don’t assume. And remember that this person could be sharing a home with your kids one day and have a big impact on their lives. Do you want it to be positive or negative? You could be interacting with them for many years to come. Also remember that they cannot take your place. Your kids have one Mom and one Dad and that will always be true. They may have additional “parents” who care for them (which can be a really good thing), but they know the difference. They know who Mom and Dad are.
Don’t act out of fear. Act out of love.
Choose what’s best for your children and then make a commitment to stick to it, no matter what. You’ll be glad you did.
To learn more about how to deal with your ex in a way that’s positive and benefits everyone involved, check out my new teleclass series that’s starting in mid-September at www.NavigatingMyDivorce.com. Would love to have you join me!
Divorce: Is Happiness A Choice?
214 years
Divorced Happily Ever After. That’s the name of my business and I get a lot of remarks on it, along with some laughter. I’ll admit, it is a bit provocative. But that’s kind of the point. See, I’m tired of all the negativity surrounding divorce. I’m not saying there aren’t a lot of negative things that can happen leading up to and during a divorce, but I don’t think that should be where everyone puts their focus.
It’s like the nightly news. What gets the viewers? Nice, happy stories of people doing good deeds? Or horrible, tragic stories of brutality and devastation? Sadly our culture has come to thrive on shocking and disgusting stories. We can’t look away. We want to see how bad it can really get. And the media is happy to oblige us with ever more frightening accounts of violence that lead us to feel unsafe and certain that the world is falling apart.
I don’t subscribe to this way of thinking or believing, so I rarely watch or read the news. I keep up with current events just enough to avoid being completely ignorant about what’s happening in the world, but I don’t linger on the negative topics. And when I find an uplifting story, I relish it.
I politely excuse myself or gently steer the conversation elsewhere when I find myself in a group of people who are complaining about the state of affairs or encouraging each other’s fears. I think we find plenty to be afraid of in our everyday environment that there’s just no point in adding in more unnecessary fears.
And when it comes to divorce, I think we should do the same – steer away from the negativity. Yes, divorce is difficult. Yes, divorce is incredibly painful and sad. Yes, divorce is complicated. Yes, divorce can be heart-wrenching. I get it. I’ve been there, both as a child and as a parent. And it doesn’t mean your life is over. It certainly shouldn’t mean your children’s lives are ruined.
It all comes down to a choice.
How do you choose to respond to your circumstances? Do you want to be angry and stressed and miserable for many years to come because your marriage ended? Is that what you choose? Or do you want to be able to laugh and teach your children how to enjoy life, no matter the situation? I truly believe we all have this choice, every day, every minute.
And what you focus on, expands. So if you focus on the negative in your life, that’s what you’ll get more of. Notice the people you spend the most time with. If most of them are unhappy/negative/complaining a lot, then chances are, you are too. If this is the case, try elevating the conversation and mood and see what happens. If they’d rather whine and complain, it might be time to find some new folks to hang out with.
So, what does “happily ever after” mean? Certainly not the everything’s-always-perfect ideal that fairytales seem to promise. Nobody’s life is perfect. Life is ever-changing and we all have our share of challenges. It’s how we respond to them that makes all the difference.
Think about people you know who appear to have great lives. I bet they’ve all got stories from their past of not allowing some external event to stop them, or learning a lesson about living fully and loving life. Oprah Winfrey is an example. She grew up very poor, was made fun of at school and was molested by a family member. She could have lived a very sad life and nobody would have been surprised or disappointed in her. But she chose to live happily after after. She knew there was more to life and more for her to be in this life – and she went for it.
You can go for it too.
Choose your happiness.
It’s in your hands.
Happiness doesn’t mean having lots of money, or living in a fancy house, or even having great friends. True happiness is about your attitude, your outlook on life. It’s more of a constant. I am very happy. I have rough days sometimes and my life is far from perfect, but I am happy. Am I smiling and laughing ALL the time? No. Will I ever love cleaning the house? I doubt it. But I know that life is so much better when I choose to be happy over unhappy.
I make a conscious choice that my external circumstances will not determine my overall well-being and love for life. And I continue to make that choice over and over.
Marci Shimoff wrote a book called ‘Happy For No Reason’, in which she gives tips and habits of happy people. She explains that everyone has a happiness set-point that is their natural level of happiness. So, yes, some people are just naturally happier than others (you know the always smiling and bubbly type), but there are habits you can practice that will increase your happiness level, no matter where you are starting out.
My challenge to you: Choose to live happily. You won’t regret it.
** I’ll be talking about this more in my FREE teleclass on Tuesday, August 24 at 7pm Eastern. Sign up here.
If that time doesn’t work for you, no worries, sign up anyway because you’ll get the recording the next day.
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or a therapist and I do not make diagnoses. This article is not in any way meant to downplay or discount mental disorders or imbalances that affect emotional states, such as depression, bi-polar disorder, etc. For individuals dealing with these types of challenges, I am not recommending that you stop any current treatment or that you can make a conscious choice to be happy and that will “cure” you.
Divorce: How To Really Listen To Your Children
014 years
by marlene
in dealing with divorce
Give your children the gift of really listening to them. We all want to be heard and feel like someone cares about how we feel and what we have to say. Being heard and validated can give your children confidence and a sense of safety when they’re feeling scared and uncertain.
One of the simplest techniques you can use to be a masterful listener is to reflect back to your kids what they say to you. For example, if your child mentions being worried about you not being married anymore, you can say “It sounds like you’re concerned about how things are going to be once we’re divorced. I can understand why you would feel worried.”
You can also say short phrases to validate their thoughts and feelings, like “I know”, “That’s right”, “You’re right”, “I understand”, “I’m sorry”, and so on. You don’t have to agree with everything they say, but because you’re focusing on listening it’s not a good idea to tell them why you don’t agree. It’s much more important to allow them to say what’s on their mind and let them know it’s perfectly okay to be thinking or feeling whatever they are. So when you don’t agree or like what they’re saying, you can respond with “I hear what you’re saying”, or “I appreciate you sharing your thoughts”, or “I’m so glad you told me what you were thinking. Now I understand better what you’re going through”.
It’s okay to ask some questions to find out more, but be careful not to push for information or ask questions that sound judgmental or accusatory. Focus on being curious and compassionate and you will be surprised at how much your children will open up to you. The most important thing to remember is that they should do more talking than you.
Telling your children that you’d like to talk or sitting across from them and asking them questions one-on-one when you’re not doing anything else can feel intimidating or uncomfortable for your kids. Depending on their ages, they will be more likely to talk when they are doing something else like coloring or riding in the car or playing a game. If your kids are still young enough that you do a bedtime ritual with them, this is sometimes a good time to cuddle up together and talk about how things are going.
Be aware of what you’re children might be trying to tell you even when they’re not saying it directly. Notice what they say to each other and pay attention to what they draw or write, at home or at school.
Of course if you are concerned about their behavior or things they’ve said, written or drawn, certainly consult with a child specialist to make sure they get professional help if it’s needed.
“To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as to talk well.” ~John Marshall
Divorce: Celebrate Your Successes Along the Way
214 years
We all tend to be good at finding every single little thing we haven’t done perfectly and going over in our minds how we might have done things better or differently. Our inner critic gets a lot of action and a lot of attention. When we’re going through a challenging life experience like divorce, this is often even more common.
So I’m giving you permission right now to quiet that inner voice that likes to find fault and criticize, and to make a point of acknowledging everything that you’re doing well. Look at what you’re accomplishing and where you’re making progress and give yourself credit for it.
Take some time at least once a week, and especially whenever you’re feeling down, and make a list of your successes. They can be big or small and they don’t have to be tangible. Maybe you held back when you were tempted to say something antagonistic to your spouse, maybe you had a great laugh yesterday with a friend, perhaps you read some helpful divorce support information or completed some paperwork you needed to take care of.
Whatever you’ve done that makes you feel good, gives you a sense of relief, or moves you the tiniest bit forward – celebrate it. Go ahead and pat yourself on the back for a job well done. For some of the bigger items or those that have the most meaning for you, actually have a celebration of some kind. You can celebrate alone, or with someone else. Just make it fun and meaningful because the point is to feel good about yourself and recognize that you really are making progress.
You can sing and dance in your living room, have your favorite meal, go out with a friend, get a massage, or whatever makes you feel special and appreciated.
It can also help to share your successes with others. Tell a close friend or relative who will be happy for you and celebrate with you. Feel free to share your successes here. Just leave a comment on this blog – I’d love to cheer you on!
Who Are You Being in Your Divorce?
014 years
by marlene
in dealing with divorce
One of my mentors often says “How you do anything is how you do everything”. And I think she’s got a valid point. Think about it for a minute. Let that sink in.
Think about other people you know or have come across (it’s always easier to see things in other people than in ourselves – at least at first). Ever know anyone who was a jerk to the wait staff at restaurants? I bet they were a jerk to people in other situations too. Ever know anyone who made promises and always “intended” to do things, but never seemed to follow through? Ever know anyone whose car was a total mess? Do you think their house was neat and tidy?
Would you be willing to date a guy who’s been known to have a quick temper and get into fist fights with other guys? Not me. Would you be willing to date a woman who turns her nose up at anyone who doesn’t live in the “right” neighborhood or drive the “right” kind of car?
Another quote I like, from Maya Angelou, is “When people show you who they are, believe them”. It’s along the same lines. Basically, if you look at someone’s behavior, even if you only see them do something once, that’s a clue as to what kind of person they are and how they will treat you.
I mention these quotes because unfortunately divorce often brings out the worst in people and I want you to really think about who you are and who you want to be. Look at who you are being in your divorce. Is this the REAL you? Is this the person you want your children to know? What about your friends? What about your co-workers?
Don’t think for a minute that your actions and behavior in your divorce aren’t showing up in the rest of your life. People at work will notice. Your friends and family will notice. Because how you do anything is how you do everything. If you’ve become very negative and angry about what’s happening between you and your ex, your negativity and anger will spill over into every other piece of your life.
Here’s another quote for you: “What you focus on expands” ~Christopher M. Knight. This means that you get more of whatever you put your energy into (like anger and negativity). So the more negative you are in your life, the more negative your life will be. But if you focus on being understanding and compassionate, you will receive more understanding and compassion from those around you.
When you aim a lot of anger and bitterness at your ex, you may think that is the only place it is going, but you are wrong. “For what you do to others, you do to yourself.” ~Eckhart Tolle First of all, it affects you deeply as well, and secondly it affects everyone else around you. It is not as isolated as you may want it to be. It is part of who you are and it changes how people view and interact with you.
Other people who are focused on those same emotions will be drawn to you. So you may find others commiserating with you about your situation or enjoy bashing your former spouses together. This is because you share these negative feelings. Conversely, if you begin to focus on forgiveness and collaboration, you will find that there a lot of nice people interested in helping you. “You create your own reality” ~Jane Roberts
What I invite you to do is look at how you are dealing with your divorce and WHO YOU ARE BEING to deal with it in that way. Forget what your ex is doing or who they are being – that is irrelevant. They have their own path and their own work to do. Focus on yours.
Decide how you would like to behave if your divorce situation were ideal. Then ask yourself these questions:
- Who would you need to be in order to behave that way?
- What do you want to teach your children (or others) about who you are as a person?
- What do you want to teach your children (or others) about your character?
- What do you want to teach your children about who they can be one day?
- Do you like yourself as you are now? If not, what would you like to change about yourself?
These are tough questions and are not in any way intended to make you feel bad about yourself. Rather, they are to awaken awareness within you about your values and desires, and whether you are currently acting/living in alignment with them. If you find that you are not, don’t be hard on yourself. Instead, be grateful for the new awareness and be curious about where you can begin to take small steps toward that alignment. Remember, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” ~Maria Robinson.
Divorce: Start A New Tradition With Your Kids
014 years
by marlene
in dealing with divorce
Many families have traditions, like an annual family trip to a special place, or a special celebration on Christmas Eve, or a Friday night eating place. Maybe you’ve been spending every Thanksgiving with your in-laws or make a trip each year to Disney World because your spouse’s best friend lives in Orlando. Maybe your spouse made a special breakfast on Saturday mornings or you ate dinner at your parents’ house every Sunday.
Traditions can be a lot of fun because they can be something to look forward to that create wonderful lifetime memories. Sometimes they’re passed down from generation to generation, giving them even more meaning. If your family didn’t have any traditions, then this is a good time to start one. And if you had one that clearly isn’t going to be possible going forward because of the divorce, then it’s a great time to start a new one.
Some traditions may continue with your ex and the children, but will no longer include you. For instance, the trip to Disney I mentioned where your spouse’s best friend lives. Or Thanksgiving with your in-laws. And you may continue some with your kids that no longer include your ex. Like dinner with your parents. But I encourage you to start something new, that won’t remind your children that someone is missing.
It doesn’t have to be big, like a trip, it just needs to be special and not something you do every day. You want your kids to look forward to it and remember it fondly as they move into adulthood. It could have so much meaning for them that they want to carry it forward and do it with their own children one day.
Here are some examples from my own childhood:
- Often on weekends, my father would make special pancakes for us in the shapes of animals or other objects (he took requests!)
- After church on Sundays, my mother would let us (the kids) chose any place we wanted to eat lunch (I think we took turns choosing so there were no arguments J)
- Birthday celebrations were a big deal in my family and we still celebrate all of them (including the adults), in person if possible
- We made a trip to the beach each summer and we took a trip to the mountains each summer (these were both drivable where I grew up)
- We visited our grandparents every so often and had special things we only got or did there. I remember that my mother’s parents had a bowl with butterscotch candies in it and I would get to have one. They also taught me to put peanut butter between two Nilla wafers and eat them like a sandwich – delicious! And I never got that at home – only at their house.
Other options to get your own ideas flowing:
- Have a picnic at a special location each spring and each fall
- Do movie night together at home once a month (make popcorn or some other special snack)
- Have one night a month that the kids make dinner (if they’re old enough)
- Go to the library together once or twice a month and check out books – pick one to read together (if your children can already read – otherwise you’ll read all of them together of course)
- Have an annual or semi-annual camping trip
- Have a bedtime ritual (read a book, sing a song, share 3 things you’re grateful for, etc)
- Have a game night once or twice a month.
- Send your children postcards every time you go out of town.
Have fun coming up with your own traditions and ENJOY them! Your kids will really appreciate it. There will be so much of their childhood that they don’t remember – but these very special times with you that are repeated will be cherished by them…and by you.
Be a Role Model
0In all that you do, be mindful of what you are teaching your children. It may sound cliché, but your actions really do speak louder than words. Remember that your kids will pay attention to what you do, regardless of what you say. And if you tell them to be a certain way or do a certain thing, but you don’t adhere to those same rules, they will notice.
Children are very impressionable and pick up on all that is going on around them like little sponges. In fact, they are often far more aware of what is happening between you and your ex than you may realize. They learn how to interact with others and what normal behavior is by observing us in our everyday lives.
Pay attention to what you’re saying and doing on a regular basis, and how it may affect your children. As you are more conscious of your actions and your words, you can begin to change them if you choose to.
As you go through challenging situations, you can decide what you want to teach your children and what you want them to learn from you for the times when they are faced with challenges in their own lives.
This may seem like a very dark, tough time for you right now, but I invite you to think about the opportunities that you have to teach some amazing qualities and characteristics to your children. You can be an amazing role model for them.
Refrain from making negative comments about your former partner, even if they say negative things about you. Show compassion, understanding, and patience. All of these traits will be passed on to your children.
Communicate in a positive, effective manner to demonstrate your desire to work together and do what’s best for everyone involved. Your children will see that and they will learn to do the same in their own interactions as they go through life.
Take a stand for what you believe in and what matters most to you. You’ll be modeling that behavior for your kids. I know it’s hard, and I know it may seem right now that it doesn’t make much of a difference, but trust me, it does, and it will.
And when your children are adults, they will remember how you behaved and what you did or didn’t do that helped your family get through a trying time. They will appreciate and respect you and want to emulate you, as they will see what a difference it has made in their lives. And you can be proud of what you’ve done and have no regrets. It’s totally worth it.
So think about what you’re teaching and modeling before you think or act. Decide what you want your children to learn from you and how you want to be remembered. Be a role model to everyone around you. It’s time for divorce to be a more harmonious process and you can lead the way.